197 Reasons to Date Me

1. You'll never have to worry about driving illegally in the carpool lane again

2. The taste of your tongue is all I've ever needed

3. I've got a shiny new Blockbuster card waiting just for you

4. I promise not to use your back to keep my feet warm

5. I'll let you push me on the swings

6. I always put the cap back on the toothpaste

7. I'll stash little notes for you where you'll least expect them

8. We'll make history together

9. Because no other pirate's tongue can "shiver me timber" quite like yours

10. Sleeping alone just sucks.... period!

11. When you're around me I've got the sex drive of a 16 year old boy

12. There isn't anything I feel I can't tell you

13. I wish I could give you all of my firsts

14. All I can offer you is all of my lasts

15. You're safe with me

16. I'll wait for you even if you're late

17. I'll lick the envelope for you

18. You've seen the monsters under my bed, and you're still here

19. I'll let you sneak a taste when I'm cooking

20. I know CPR

21.I won't make you wear lame sweaters when we go to family Christmas parties

22. You fucking turn me on!

23. You love my dorkiness

24. When you are trying to keep count, I will try and mess you up

25. You're magically delicious

26. I suck at strip poker

27. I'll hold your coffee for you when you're driving

28. Around you dry panties are a thing of the past

29. I promise not to burn the house down while you're gone

30. If you wash the car with me I promise to wear a white T-shirt for you

31. I'll make you Mickey Mouse pancakes

32. I won't bite unless you want me to

33. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we are doing it together

34. I'll circle your birthday on my calendar

35. I'll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv

36. I'll carve your initials in a tree

37. I won't swear around your family

38. I've never been Punk'd

39. If you pick me a flower, I'll wear it in my hair

40. I come with an extended warranty

41. I'll grant you three wishes

42. I'll buy you a lap dance

43. I didn't vote for either George Bush

44. I don't tear the tags off my mattresses til I get home

45. I always stop to pet dogs outside of grocery stores

46. I'm likely to have a different hair color every time you see me

47. I'm slippery when wet

48. I only use the rail when I walk down the stairs 30% of the time ( I love to walk the line ya know)

49. I've never read Playboy for the articles

50. I'll make you laugh

51. I've never been in one of Tommy Lee's movies

52. I'll never under cook the eggs

53. I'll never drink your last beer

54. I can make a mean pot of chili

55. I'll pretend I didn't see you look at that chick with the big boobs

56. I'll always be impressed with how strong you are

57. I know that handcuffs aren't just for the cops

58. I don't recycle

59. I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop

60. I won't steal the vicoden out of your medicine cabinet

61. I'll take care of you when you're sick

62. I'll make fun of you

63. I can give a kick ass back rub

64. I haven't been a house guest of O.J. Simpson

65. I like porn

66. I can't stand soap operas

67. I don't care if you leave the seat up

68. I pump my own gas

69. I don't give a shit if I break a nail

70. I've got cookies

71. I don't chew tobacco

72. I take a shower every day

73. I like it when you pull my hair

74. I'll let you beat me at pool (LET you cause if I try, you're going down)

75. I don't care that you go out with the boys

76. I don't eat crackers in bed

77. I think it's hot when you come home all dirty from playing hard

78. I can't stand the mall

79. I don't care what music we listen to in the car

80. I've never eaten a bon-bon in my life

81. When you wash the dishes it turns me on

82. I have a big butt and I am proud of it

83. My heart will jump every time you walk through the door

84. I'll save everything you ever give me

85. I won't ever forget your birthday, and remind you when mine is coming

86. You just can't stop reading this!

87. I always use my nails to scratch a lottery ticket

88. I know where to put in the oil, and have even done it

89. I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know

90. I think pizza and a game at the sports bar down the street is the ideal date

91. What the hell is "in the box"?

92. I always open a window when I paint

93. I've never been on Americas Most Wanted

94. The only drama I have any part of is on t.v.

95. I know how to make a fire

96. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue

97. I've got secret tattoos

98. My kisses will take your breath away

99. I don't care if you leave your socks on

100. I can't stand John Mayer

101. I never drive faster than 30 mph in a school zone

102. My weird habits you'll find adorable

103. You'll sleep better when I'm next to you

104. I'd fuck Angelina Jolie too

105. I'll thank you every time you open the door

106. I'll never waste your love

107. I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny (but only in public - when we're alone I'll tell you if it's not funny)

108. I'd never give you shit in front of your friends

109. It gets better every time

110. Use as much salt as you want I don't care

111. I won't ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch

112. I'll help you find your keys

113. I don't stop and ask for directions either

114. I don't have a big brother, so you don't have to worry about getting your ass kicked ever

115. We can watch your movie first

116. I don't need batteries

117. I once ate a cricket

118. I eat red meat

119. I'll clean the house perfect every time your mom comes

120. I'll always have smooth legs

121. I like it when my hair gets messed up

122. I used to be able to put my feet behind my neck

123. My family is just as fucked up as yours

124. I don't want to get married any time soon

125. I like horror movies

126. I smell pretty good (Kind of citrusy and pina-coladaee)

127. I don't litter

128. When I can I give to charity

129. I can be ready in 10 minutes or less

130. I lose at arm wrestling every time

131. I look both ways before I cross the street

132. I never look directly into the sun

133. I'll look cute in your shirt

134. I'm not a virgin

135. You're hotter and more hilarious than anyone I know

136. I won't ever leave makeup on your shoulder

137. I've never hung a pair of panty hose on the shower rack in my life

138. I like it when you call me a whore in bed

139. I can balance a check book

140. I'll help you not to forget your moms birthday

141. I would never yell "fire" in a crowded theatre

142. I'm really good at sneaking food into the movies

143. I was the second grade spelling bee champ

144. I'll never say 'nothings wrong' when there really is

145. I know how to hold my own hair back when I get sick

146. I've never cried over spilt milk

147. I have never stabbed anyone in the eye

148. I can count to 100 by 5's

149. I've never smuggled drugs out of the country

150. I don't care if you eat dinner without a shirt

151. I think it's hot when you masturbate

152. I never overload the washer

153. What else have you got to do?

154. I know that whipped cream goes on more than sundaes

155. I've never auditioned for American Idol

156. I don't eat yellow snow

157. I like it when you talk to your friends about me in bed

158. My sunday morning breakfasts will change your life

159. My chin fits 'just right' in your shoulder when you hold me close

160. I'll understand if you get jealous

161. I'm just that good

162. I never had sexual relations with Bill Clinton

163. You're getting very sleepy...

164. I've never been on Jerry Springer

165. I may have already won $10,000,000.

166. You won't be able to get me out of your head

167. I know that sticks are better than automatics

168. I'll let you drive every time if you want

169. I buy a new toothbrush every time the blue wears down

170. I know that objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear

171. Flowers will get you laid every time

172. I've never gotten caught lip synching on SNL

173. I have a $3.24 credit at PayLess Shoes

174. I never leave the engine running while I'm pumping gas

175. I never run with scissors

176. I've taken the Coke/Pepsi challenge and won

177. Almost every time I have a winning bottle top

178. I know how to keep a secret

179. If you spell something wrong I just think it's cute

180. I've never failed a survey

181. I can almost every time find Waldo

182. I never put my fingers in the light socket

183. I'm a Cancer

184. I have all my shots

185. It's okay, I don't really expect you to last longer than 10 minutes anyways

186. I'm pretty damn funny

187. I'm not a doctor and I've never played one on t.v. either

188. I don't care if you eat off my plate

189. None of my friends are guys I used to have sex with

190. When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet

191. I have never run out of gas (well I just fucked myself there now, didn't I?)

192. I know the difference between they're, their, and there

193. You really kinda would dig having someone to cuddle with on the couch

194. I know how to get stains out of tshirts

195. I know how to leave you satisfied and hungry for more every time

196. I'm really good at making lists

197. After reading this far you've already got too much time invested all ready - might as well e-mail me.